I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
