There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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