I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
