this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
