There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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