rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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