I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
