I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
