Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
