Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
bring money and cleavage
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
