i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
