His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
