alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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