Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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