i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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