Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
