if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
