you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
