my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
