so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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