the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
