Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
