Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm really busy with my period
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