So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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