He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Two words: nipple clamps
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