If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
