I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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