My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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