no, he came in my armpit
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
