I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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