I'm jealous of your bromance
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
