Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
