Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
