who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
