I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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