Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
