Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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