Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
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