I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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