Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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