i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
