i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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