I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
