oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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