you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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