please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
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