The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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