What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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