There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
50% drunk capacity currently
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
