Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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